PRESS RELEASE

Vulcan Inc. A subsidiary of Global Energy, Inc.

Vast quantities of energy are wasted when volcanoes erupt, explode or collapse. Vulcan Inc. proposes to tap this wasted energy by a controlled implosion of Mount Shasta. In order to do this without endangering lives, Vulcan has purchased Siskiyou county, California and will relocate the small population of 55,000 to a resettlement complex being constructed in Nevada, between Winamucca and Battle Mountain.

Unfortunately some residents of Siskiyou county are uncooperative. In light of this Vulcan is lobbying congress to quickly pass the president’s Patriotic American Citizens United Plan (PACUP). PACUP would give energy development corporations authority to use the newly developed Humane Anti-resistance Mist (HAM) to tranquilize unpatriotic citizens. HAM was a joint development of the Department of Energy and Pharmist, Inc.

In a recent speech to the World Corporation Governing Council, president, Ann Coulter said, “In light of the continuing war against terrorism and the attendant energy shortage, it is the patriotic duty of all American citizens to cooperate when asked by corporate leaders to leave energy development regions. These good corporate citizens are concerned with the people’s health and safety and offer them free housing in resettlement complexes, and yet some unpatriotic individuals resist. I hesitate to use the word, traitor, but what else can one call those who make it difficult for energy corporations to accomplish their vital work.”

The President continued, “I have recently sent a bill to the congress, called ‘The Patriotic American Citizen United Plan.’ I encourage the swift passage of this important legislation.”